WHICH ONE?

God.. please I hope it can be happen for twice.
what's wrong in my heart?
is there something had been missing in my life?
I think, my life was change. it is not like usual.

I still couldn't understand with my feeling and my statement to someone.
GREAT! what the fucking it is..
between of 2 guys that I like.
One is from Indonesia but he continue his study on netherland and the 2nd guy is from Thailand.

if someone ask me, which one do you like? or which one do you want to be your boyfriend?
I can say, I want the first guy which is he is an Indonesian too like me. but, I don't want to "MUNAFIK"..cause I like my Thailand guy too.

from My Indonesian Guy, I learn so much .. we are same at all, complete for each other. (I don't know if he can feel like that or not?)
from My Thailand Guy, I learn something new. I like photography, Learn about to keep dream so high and reach it. and we have a same hobby: TRAVELING.

but from their personality, the one who I like the most is My Indonesian Guy.
if you ask who has the charming face? .. I thought that both of them are not charming at all, but they're so cute and kind. I can choose one of them.

so, perhaps everyone judge me that I'm greedy .. but I don't know, I can't choose who is the best for me.
I don't know what their feeling to me (in this time not in the past)

fiuh! sometimes, we can choose everything what we want easily. but sometimes we can't choose something important for our life and our future.

see you.. in the next story of me ..

I CAN'T LET HIM GO

could I say something for the last time you are here?
I know you very close only in 2 days, but I don't know why I can feel this.

STUPID!
yes, I'm so stupid

we never met, but when we are so close just from messages ... I can feel something different.
he makes me cry. no, he didn't make a mistake, but he made me love him.

and why I must feel like this when he will go to Netherland, tomorrow.
I couldn't say anything. I want to come to the airport to see him and say the last words for him.

actually, I can't let him go

What do you think if you were I?
should I say to him what I'm feelin'?

tomorrow is the last day of him to stay here in Jakarta.
God, can you help me please?
i don't know what to do.

maybe, these lyrics can tell him what I'm feelin' now.

He was my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
Oh I guess I should have told him
But I thought he knew

He said I took him for granted
Last thing I would do
Oh I'll never understand it
'Cause I thought he knew

I thought he knew
My world revolved around him
My love light burns for him alone
But he couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known
I should have known

A heart full of words left unspoken
Now that we're through
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken
Oh I thought he knew

yes. I wish someday he will know that I'm waiting here

I really miss you so much

(I wrote this with BAHASA not with ENGLISH, so If you are not an Indonesian you can translate these words in Google)

terserah yah mau dibilang gue itu udah gila atau apa hanya karena bisa sayang banget sama seseorang yang jauh banget dari sekitar gue
dia belum jadi pacar gue, masih sebagai temen . temen deket yang walaupun jarak memisahkan .. kita masih bisa contact dengan telfon.itu adalah bentuk rasa sayang gue ke dia.

dia sama banget sama gue, gue suka travelling dan dia juga. gue suka fotografi dan dia juga suka . dan kita sama-sama suka mempelajari hal-hal yang baru dan bahasa dari negara-negara lain. sayangnya dia lebih ada kesempatan untuk travelling sedangkan gue hanya bisa keliling dunia di internet atau hanya dengan baca buku. sedih banegt tapi gue berharap suatu saat nanti gue bisa wujudin impian gue itu. amin

dia yang daritadi gue certain itu orang thailand, umurnya 21 tahun, dan yang paling bikin gue mau pingsan itu karena dia kuliah di Thammasat university yang tempatnya gue suka banget dan gue berharap banget bisa kuliah disana .. namanya AANAS ALLIE .. the best guy I ever know! the smart guy I ever know! he is not charming but I like him from his Innner Beauty
gatau kenapa yah kayaknya ngeliat foto dia tuh bikin gue sayang banget gitu . apalagi gue liat banget dia talent dengan kamera nya di flickr. parah gue baru sadar kalo gue udah jatuh cinta dengan seseorang yang nggak punya agama dan jauh disana

tapi namanya juga perasaan orang kan gak bisa ditebak, gue sayang dia dan dia menerima gue dengan senang hati. pengen sih nelfon dia saat ini juga. bilang kalo gue kangen sama dia, tapi as we all know ya Thailand-Indonesia tuh biaya telfonnya gak murah..MAHAL! banget sih nggak tapi ya mahal. aduhh gimana ya mesti bilangnya

for my beloved Aanas .. I just wanna say that now I really missing you in my life . there's gotta be a million reason why is you..
I want to heard your voice ... kangen kangen kangen banget deh